Image by KiltBear via Flickr
Dear Reader,
Thank you very much for reading this missive. I appreciate that you are taking the time to visit my site.
I wasn’t quite sure of the best method for expressing my thanks to you, considering the fact that in the past few months I myself have received some thank-you notes and each came in different formats. I so far haven’t received any thanks via email or text message, but the gift-giving season isn’t yet over so it’s still possible.
Among the expressions of gratitude I have gotten are a postcard with check boxes, each indicating a reaction to the gift; a card in which a teen’s parent wrote the note and addressed the envelope; letters written by tweens and teens but the envelope addressed by a parent or affixed with a printed address sticker; and a hand-written note from a 19-year-old bride.
Nothing remarkable about that last one, but so far it’s my favorite because of the vast improvement it showed over the wedding invitation, which was a black-and-white copy of one of those print-at-home invites, the original of which appeared to have a colored border and a cloth bow. It was kind of the couple to “request the honor of your presents,” and they should be applauded for getting correct the names of four out of the five people in my family to whom it was addressed (the fifth person’s name wasn’t spelled wrong; the actual name was wrong). Granted, the bride and groom hardly know us and those homophones can by tricky, but they made up for it with their response to my meager check. This time they got all our names right and even told us what they planned to do with the cash (put it toward baby items!).
Another plus: the note was readable, one quality my daughters have so far failed to master. Both girls have many commendable qualities but writing legibly is not one of them. Perhaps their handwriting is so appalling because in this digital age, they almost never have to write longhand. But that doesn’t explain why my 13-year-old refused to follow the general outline I gave her for a stack of thank yous, though the etiquette experts at the Emily Post Institute say at that age, you’re supposed to let them express themselves as they wish. Apparently, then, the notes inadvertently turned out to be the right thing, even if I found them horrifying.
I did insist that she redo the ones that weren’t just sloppy, but also incorrect. All she had to do was look at the address list I gave her and you know, write down the same names, but Cary became Carrie and Sean turned into Shawn, among other mistakes. And apparently it was too much to ask of her to close the cards with a “Love,” “Sincerely,” “Regards,” or other similar expression. She just put a dash and then her name. Ugg.
On the positive side, at least my girls write thank-you notes themselves and address their own envelopes. The experience requires a ton of effort, is a lot of work, and painful at times. The kids have a rough time of at as well. Ba-da-bump. I like to think that someday they will appreciate that I force gently guide them to complete this most basic task, but they don’t need to send me a thank-you note or anything. If they let me say, “I told you so,” that will be enough.
In the meantime, I most sincerely thank you for dropping by. I plan to use your stop here to increase monthly page views and unique visitors, and for that, I am truly grateful.
Very truly yours,
Hilary
My general rule of thumb is the more formal the event, the more personal the thanks. Have already bought the personalized thank you cards for my daughter’s upcoming Bat Mitzvah and she will be doing all the legwork.
But if it’s an informal gathering at home, for example, I think an email or quick phone call to thank the host is just fine.
Agree with you, IMHO, that the thanks should match the level of formality. But is it okay if a parent takes over those duties and writes the thank-yous or the envelopes for their child? I’ve taken the tack the my kids are going to do the whole job themselves, painful as it is for everybody involved.
Completely agree.